Orange is the new black

I may have fallen asleep during my back-to-school duties.

I never knew a moped could do so much damage to a crossing guard.

Finally getting out on good behavior after five years.

I know my family have moved on.

I know my friends have moved on.

Behind bars

I’ve finished this period, but will I ever truly finish this sentence?

I am Con Alone.


Snowed In

I get blamed for everything, but people seem to miss the truth.

The truth?

The truth is,most of the time I don’t even deal with the cones in other branches.

Sure, we have the occasional softball tournament and we make prank calls while wiretapping each other. But it is usually just harmless fun.

My faucet leaks, but I certainly don’t.

I am discreet.

I am Cone Alone.


NSA I’m crazy. FBI don’t think so.

Parking is such sweet sorrow


Yeah, I thought this was going to be a lazy day. Not much to do but punch the clock two times and stand here in between.

I guess not.

I guess someone thought the rules didn’t apply to them.

If you want Park Place, why not buy a Monopoly board you punk?

I guess someone thought that driving a hippy wagon gave them permission to do whatever they want.

Outback? Yeah, I’d like to take you out back and give you a good bottom whoopin’ you’re probably in long need of.

Suba-ruin my day why don’t you?

You’ve got a lot of nerve.

I’ve got a parking lot of anger.

I am Cone Alone.

I could destroy you with my big tow