Cone home.

Potholes. Speed bumps. Caution ripples. (You know, the ones motorcycles use.) All are obstacles on your trip from A to C. To us, however, they are all in a day’s work. Cone Alone has been doing our best to keep you safe on this journey of life. You’ve seen us all year, but you haven’t heard from us.

It was a time without orange friends. It was a time without introspection. It was a time without puns.

It was The Year Without Cone Alone.

Well, we’re back!

Orange* you glad we returned? Did you miss us? If you did, we’d love to hear from you.

Take a minute and send us a photograph of a Cone Alone that represents how you felt during The Year Without Cone Alone (TYWCA**). You can submit your photos in three ways:

You don’t have to include a caption, but please be sure to include your name and city of residence (for you or the Cone Alone).

We’ll post your photos over the next couple of weeks in preparation for what we’re calling The Return of Cone Alone (no abbreviation necessary)!

That’s right, we are set to return with all new Cone Alone posts (including ones submitted from our friends, a.k.a. Cone Aloners) every Wednesday starting June 26. Send in your photos and mark your calendars.

And don’t think we forgot about last summer’s holiday photo Conetest. And the winner is…

Jane M. of Utah with the picture of a Cone Alone collapsed in on itself. (Did it recoil at something?)

The winning photo from Jane M!

The winning photo from Jane M!

Congratulations Jane! For submitting the winning Cone Alone photo, you will receive a Cone Alone t-shirt (just like the one sported by Cone Aloner @yarnsmithee)! Just email with your t-shirt size and we’ll start production right away.

Before we get back into it, we wish to take a minute and thank everyone who begged and pleaded for our return. It means so much that you all care about our stories or, at the very least, like looking at conical emotional wrecks.

And don’t worry: we’re just as lonely as we were one year ago.

With a pessimistic outlook toward the future, we are Cone Alone!

*We recognize not all Cone Alone are orange. We hear you. We just can’t say yellow to everyone. Can’t we just agreen to disagree?

**Not to be confused with The Young Women’s Christian Association nor The Yiddish Welcoming Committee of Amherst.

Summer Holiday Photo Contest

Were you sad when you learned that Cone Alone will be on holiday this summer?

Were you so dejected that you could barely type 140 characters to tweet about your melancholy?

Well lift up your head, pick up your camera and let your spirits soar again.

That’s right, it is time for the Cone Alone Summer Holiday Photo Contest!

Check out the easy ways to participate.

1A. From May 5 until July 30, 2012 just take pictures of yourself (and friends) with Cone Alone. (Like in the picture below).

I am Cone Alone. (photo credit: Adam Jones)

1B. Feeling a bit camera shy and don’t want to be in the picture? That’s fine. Just take a picture of a Cone Alone you spot. Write a caption if you can as well!

2. Then upload those pictures to our Facebook page and/or Twitter account or just email the pictures directly to us (josephpatrickrichards (at) gmail (dot) com) and we’ll take care of the uploading. Be sure to use the #ConeAloneSHP if you can.

3. Finally, share Cone Alone with all of your friends, family, enemies and emotionally-neutral automatons.

We will be featuring one picture every week to get some “extra props” from us.

At the end of the contest, we will select five of our favorite (or “favourite” in Europe) photos and then have YOU, the fans, vote on the winner. The grand champion will receive a special Cone Alone prize we will announce later.

So that’s it. So simple, so fun and you get your summer Cone Alone fix.

Have any questions about the contest? Just email josephpatrickrichards (at) gmail (dot) com.

Over The (S)Top

Ow! Ouch!

Yeesh. Ok you jerk. You win!

Sometimes it gets so boring working near the Capitol in DC. I mean, yeah, I get to see all those people rushing about with an air of importance, but I basically see the same people every day wearing the same clothes (many of the male-identified people wear blue a lot for some reason) and having the same arguments. None of them really do anything for us cones anyway, so I just ignore them. (We don’t even have a Cone delegation in Congress!)

So sue me if I want to ease the boredom with a simple contest with a fellow street worker. I mean, people arm wrestle right?

Well, this is the last time I get into a strength competition with an octagon.  This would never happen to Sylvester Stallone.


I am flat broke, but I am joining a (jungle) gym tomorrow.

I am Cone Alone.

I am over this stop.